The case of cleanliness: part 2
After reading last week's post and thinking a little more about its subject, I realized that I may have been a bit too harsh on Marche by focusing on individual differences. From a cultural perspective, it is true that our society educates women to keep higher standards of cleanliness. And this is one more example of sexism that feminism attempts to eradicate, and it is in part the argument that Marche sets forward (nothing revolutionary, feminists have been saying the same thing from the beginning of the movement).
On one hand, I admit that when people come to my house and it happens (as frequently is the case) not to be "perfectly" clean and tidy, I feel particularly ashamed as a woman and feel very strongly that people judge me and not my husband for it. This must change! I must change and more importantly people (mostly women in this case) must change, because I am not just imagining things when I say I, not my husband, am judged.
On the other hand, I admit I unashamedly do some activities that are usually associated with women and that Marche considers housework, such as baking bread and knitting. Except that I think that adding these to housework is total nonsense, except in the case when they are done out of obligation instead of pleasure. I, like most people, am not in that situation, I can simply go and buy bread from the supermarket at the corner of my street, and, as for sweaters and mittens, they are even cheaper in the shops than the wool I buy to knit them. Marche is being totally disingenuous when he adds hobbies to his housework list and then accuses women of not needing to do them.
He is also being disingenuous when he claims modern men are sharing the work of childcare with women. Childcare is not only playing with your children or taking them to the park. Childcare is mostly cooking their food, cleaning the mess they do, washing their clothes, and tidying up (at least the minimum necessary to keep a safe environment for children which is a much higher standard than most people's natural one). The truth is that if you are enjoying it and taking pride from it, such as when a man cooks the occasional gourmet dinner to show off, it is not housework, it is a hobby.
So, yes, Marche makes an easy point when he claims that it is mostly women that are guilty of keeping higher standards of cleanliness for themselves. It is obvious that this is mostly a cultural issue, even if it is not hard to imagine that there may also be a biological source for it. It is absolutely true that this is a form of sexism for which women are a lot more responsible than men are. It is easy to imagine how men may not mind if women took it a little bit easier. It is easy to see why most men would agree that ideally women could start doing less housework in order to decrease the gender gap, and, consequently create fewer reasons for conflict between the sexes and (let us not forget!) make their partners feel better about themselves. Of course, while still doing enough that their partners will not be forced to start doing more work themselves. After all, even men have a disgust threshold.
I wonder what really happens when a woman's realistic threshold falls below that? I bet most cases end up in a quick divorce, even if she is "great in bed" and the "best sex he ever had". But maybe I am being unfair, maybe men really value sex above cleanliness, as most claim they do. Sure, I believe that (cough, cough).
OK, I admit, I am again being harsh again, but I have to admit that, in Marche's writings, in addition to all I have said before, there is an underlying need to prove that he is a decent fellow not only to the world but to himself. There is a readiness to point a finger at everyone else: other men, who are shaming their gender by immorally (and even violently) holding on too hard to their white man's privilege, and women for being, more often than men, what I would call the conservative guardians of social norm, including those norms that preserve sexism in our society. And then there is those instances when he pushes his arguments a little too far and proves himself to be nothing but the self-centred, selfish, self-serving man that so often women complain about. And that is what justifies my rant spread over two posts.
PS: note the use of most in this and the previous post. It is important for me to emphasize that even if may forget to add most occasionally, it is most men and most women, and sometimes only some men and some women, but never all men and all women, that I refer to.
On one hand, I admit that when people come to my house and it happens (as frequently is the case) not to be "perfectly" clean and tidy, I feel particularly ashamed as a woman and feel very strongly that people judge me and not my husband for it. This must change! I must change and more importantly people (mostly women in this case) must change, because I am not just imagining things when I say I, not my husband, am judged.
On the other hand, I admit I unashamedly do some activities that are usually associated with women and that Marche considers housework, such as baking bread and knitting. Except that I think that adding these to housework is total nonsense, except in the case when they are done out of obligation instead of pleasure. I, like most people, am not in that situation, I can simply go and buy bread from the supermarket at the corner of my street, and, as for sweaters and mittens, they are even cheaper in the shops than the wool I buy to knit them. Marche is being totally disingenuous when he adds hobbies to his housework list and then accuses women of not needing to do them.
He is also being disingenuous when he claims modern men are sharing the work of childcare with women. Childcare is not only playing with your children or taking them to the park. Childcare is mostly cooking their food, cleaning the mess they do, washing their clothes, and tidying up (at least the minimum necessary to keep a safe environment for children which is a much higher standard than most people's natural one). The truth is that if you are enjoying it and taking pride from it, such as when a man cooks the occasional gourmet dinner to show off, it is not housework, it is a hobby.
So, yes, Marche makes an easy point when he claims that it is mostly women that are guilty of keeping higher standards of cleanliness for themselves. It is obvious that this is mostly a cultural issue, even if it is not hard to imagine that there may also be a biological source for it. It is absolutely true that this is a form of sexism for which women are a lot more responsible than men are. It is easy to imagine how men may not mind if women took it a little bit easier. It is easy to see why most men would agree that ideally women could start doing less housework in order to decrease the gender gap, and, consequently create fewer reasons for conflict between the sexes and (let us not forget!) make their partners feel better about themselves. Of course, while still doing enough that their partners will not be forced to start doing more work themselves. After all, even men have a disgust threshold.
I wonder what really happens when a woman's realistic threshold falls below that? I bet most cases end up in a quick divorce, even if she is "great in bed" and the "best sex he ever had". But maybe I am being unfair, maybe men really value sex above cleanliness, as most claim they do. Sure, I believe that (cough, cough).
OK, I admit, I am again being harsh again, but I have to admit that, in Marche's writings, in addition to all I have said before, there is an underlying need to prove that he is a decent fellow not only to the world but to himself. There is a readiness to point a finger at everyone else: other men, who are shaming their gender by immorally (and even violently) holding on too hard to their white man's privilege, and women for being, more often than men, what I would call the conservative guardians of social norm, including those norms that preserve sexism in our society. And then there is those instances when he pushes his arguments a little too far and proves himself to be nothing but the self-centred, selfish, self-serving man that so often women complain about. And that is what justifies my rant spread over two posts.
PS: note the use of most in this and the previous post. It is important for me to emphasize that even if may forget to add most occasionally, it is most men and most women, and sometimes only some men and some women, but never all men and all women, that I refer to.
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